Scripture Meditation: “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds”
(Psalms 147:3, KJV).
Uyi and I entered marriage with deep emotional wounds and selfish expectations. We didn’t know that marriage wasn’t about an individual getting all their needs met at the expense of the other. As we look back now, we realize that at the time we married, we were both emotionally unhealthy. We were like two porcupines trying to love each other. The closer we got, the more we hurt each other. Thirteen years in, thank God we have grown so well together that now we have a strong, healthy and a passionate marriage. We are truly living a marriage from heaven, and we believe that you can experience that too. That’s why we wrote this book to help individuals and couples like you. We are designed by God to love our spouse passionately, permanently, intimately, totally and unconditionally.
As pastors, we understand that a church cannot grow beyond the emotional health of its pastor, and we believe the same is true for a marriage: your relationship with your spouse will never exceed your individual emotional health. It is very sad to note that most churches shy away from topics of emotional health. If you are happy in your marriage, you will be happy. But if you are not happy in your marriage, it does not matter what else is good in your life. You will not be happy, and then you will make everyone around you unhappy. When divorcing couples go before a judge, it is common to hear them cite irreconcilable differences as the reason for their divorce. Yet, the truth is that most divorces are as a result of emotional unhealthiness in one or both partners. Marriage will test your emotional health and strength like no other. There will be days when your spouse will push you to the extreme—either by their words, attitude, action or behavior. But because you are emotionally healthy and have dropped those baggage, you can handle the situation much better than others.
Please note that emotional healthiness takes time. It always takes patience and experience in knowing how to read, understand and love your mate. Today, our marriage is blessed. We are in love with each other. We lead a peaceful, joyful and strong marriage. But it didn’t happen overnight. It took months and months of prayer and working on us to get here. Uyi: “One of the areas of my emotional unhealthiness in the early days of our marriage was that I shut down when I disagreed or was upset with my wife. I would not say a word, would not look at her, and try to distance myself as much as I could for sometimes days in a stretch. “I took disagreement as personal rejection (a sign of emotional unhealthiness). When things didn’t go my way at church or the office, I brought it home and kept a horrible attitude around the house.
Signs of Emotional Unhealthiness
He/she cannot control their emotions.
He/she is led by their emotions rather than by their personal strength.
He/she personalizes disagreements as rejection.
He/she lacks the willpower to say No when they need to say no.
He/she seeks revenge and likes to pay back.
He/she is a people pleaser.
He/she wants to win every argument at the other person’s expense.
He/she is bound by past hurts, malice, bitterness, and unforgiveness.
He/she is weak in their morals, conviction, or safety.
He/she fails to take responsibility for their action.
Uyi: “One by one, I began. I started to tackle every root, hurt, and baggage that was wrecking my life and marriage.
“Let me say again, it wasn’t easy. It took a while. I had to admit that I was emotionally unhealthy and cried out for help.”
How do you get and stay emotionally healthy?
1. Learn to be proactive in your emotions and not reactive.
2. Communicate your feelings.
3. Have the attitude of a servant partner.
4. Continuously purge your soul of self.
5. Always be patient with yourself and with others.
6. Prayer and meditation.
7. Forgive quickly.
God wants to use your scars and pain to heal your life, marriage and help other people. Will you let Him change you today so that your marriage can be healthy? Then it begins by realizing that healing is a partnership and a process, not just a one-time event. May God give us the grace to develop marriages that are a sign and wonder, marriages that point to Jesus and offer a visible picture of the depth of God’s love for the world. A soul tie is an emotional bond or connection that unites you with someone else in your past or present. You can become bound to a person through your soul.
Breaking Soul Ties
There are 4 Key steps to breaking soul ties:
2. Confess and Repent
4. Break and Remove
Pray this prayer aloud to help you break free from unhealthy soul ties: Lord God, I boldly approach Your throne of grace, covered in the shed blood of Your Son. In Jesus’ mighty name, I ask You to cut any and all ungodly soul ties between myself and anyone else created by any relationship, sexual or otherwise, known or unknown, remembered or forgotten. I decree, declare and prophesy that I am free from all new and past ungodly soul ties in Jesus’ name. Amen! You can also pray and break the covenant of ungodly soul ties by calling out the name of the person you need to be free from.
Pray like this:
Lord God, In Jesus’ name, I break and destroy any and all ungodly soul ties between myself and __(the person’s name here)______________. I free myself from that covenant, and I completely give my heart, soul, and body to You, Jesus! Amen! Please note that until you break and untangle old, unhealthy soul ties, you’re not ready for a new, healthy relationship. Do not carry past baggage into a new relationship.
1. How would you rate your emotional healthiness from 1 to 10—and 10 being the highest?
2. Can you identify any baggage that you have been dragging around?
3. Have you noticed any root issues in your life that you have been neglecting to deal with?
4. How can your spouse help or support you in dealing with any emotional unhealthiness?
Adapted from the bestselling book Marriage From Heaven by Drs. Uyi & Faith Abraham
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